Time Traveler/Transcript
Open to outside shot of "Antmiveville O'Hallen Mall". A sign reads "This Sunday'TODAYs the annual PetCon! *Mark and Klasky are shown standing under a sign that reads *Kat Cat Lovers! Mark: Why am I here again? I'm more of a dog person, to be honest. Klasky: You have two cats, Mark. Mark: Hey, you don't count! *Klasky stares at Mark, his eyebrows raised, amused Mark: Don't you dare question my methods, squire! Klasky: Look the only reason I dragged you here is because I have friends here. Klasky: *Cat walks by* Joe! *Another cat walks past* Macky! *Two Cats strut past* Ladies. *Mark stares mortified as Klasky raises his eyebrows twice and meows Mark: *Holds back vomit* Uh...W-whatever, see ya. *Mark walks away *Mark spots Abigal, stares at her and walks into a furry object Mark: *Rubs head* Huh? *Looks up to see giant hampster* AHH, furry demon! Tenni: *Walks from behind the hampster* Oh, hi new buddy. Mark: What the heck is that?! Tenni: *Looks around* Huh? *Looks at hampster* Oh, this is my pet mutant-hampster, Munch. Mark: *Stares at screen and back at Tenni* Heh, I'll just be going, now. Heh, BYE! *Sprints away* *Tenni and Munch stare in silence Munch: So should I tell him I can talk. Tenni: Nah. *They walk away* *Mark keeps walking and is stopped by visibly stressed man with greying hair Man: Mom? Mark: Excuse me? Man: Oh, sorry. *Takes out picture* Mark: *silently in background* Uh, where did you keep that? Man: Do you know this man? *Shows picture of kid surround by cats, dogs, hampsters, birds, lizards, pigs and guinea pigs* Mark: Dad? Man: No, Mom. *Mark raises eyebrow annoyed Man: Oh, you don't mean... your dad is the legendary Mominick Abraham Miller?! Mark: *Snickers* Mominick? Man: *Tazes Mark* How dare you mock the great Mominick Miller! For your information, *Opens frame as 10 other folded parts of the picture fall displaying tons of animals* Mominick holds the record for the most pets ever brought to PetCon in it's ENTIRE 200 year history. Mark: *Groaning in pain* *Spits in hand and fixes hair* Ugh... my dad did that? He never...told me. Man: *Gasps* So he IS your father? *Bows* Oh, I am SO SO sorry, sir. How may I repay you, great heir of Mominick Miller? Mark: Hmm... *Cuts to Mark's Dad sitting on the couch watching a commercial Mark's Dad: *Camera looks at door as Mark bursts in being held by a bunch of aging men.* What the- All Men at Once: *Gasp* The great Mominick Miller in the flesh! *Bows, and Mark slides down* Mark: *Points finger* How come you never told me you had an army a middle aged men worshiping you? *Mark's eyes widen Mark: N-nevermind. Why did you never tell me you had 205 Pets? Mark's Dad: Oh, uh, it never came up. Mark: Never came up? NEVER CAME UP!? MOMINICK ABRAHAM MILLER, HOW DARE THE MAKE UP SUCH AN EXCUSE. HOW DOES BEING ROYALTY NEVER COME UP. Mark's Dad: First, we aren't royalty, and second...How did you learn my name? Mark: Nevermind that. Why aren't these guys always worshiping us? Middle-Aged Man 1: The great Mominick had stopped using our services once he left America to marry Dadeline Malaka in Gibland 10 years ago. Mark: Wait, wait, wait... Dadeline? Malaka?! Gibland?!? Mark's Dad: It's a long story. Mark: I have time. Mark's Dad: *Begins to push Mark and the men outside* No really, it's *grunts* REALLY *grunts* REALLY *grunts loudly* LONG. *Pushes them all the way out side and slams the door, sliding down the door exhausted.* Men: What shall we do now, Master? Mark: Scram. *The men scatter like ants* Hmm... *Klasky poofs up in purple sparkling smoke* I wonder what else Dad...or should I say, MOM, never told me. Klasky: Uh, am I missing something here? Mark: *Snaps* I'VE GOT IT. Klasky: Whatever it is, it's probably a bad- *Mark runs away leaving a cloud of dust* *Coughs* idea. *Cuts to cardboard box with the words "TIME MACHINE" scrabbled on the outside and fakes buttons and levers drawn on Klasky: *Walks in box, with a Delorean logo drawn inside* What are you doing? *Mark is turned away from Klasky, pressing candy buttons and pulling lolipop levers while wearing goggles and donning messy hair Mark: Making a time machine. *Cardboard collapses* Still working out the kinks. Klaskly: *Looks at Mark's feet and sees large metal coil* Is that a Tesla Coil?! Mark: *Still pulling levers* Yeah, why? Klasky: Where on Earth did you get a Tesla Coil? Mark: Uh, the internet? *Mark stops* Now to pull the final lever! Klasky: This is insane, you'll kill yourself! *Pauses* And those aren't even real controls! *Camera pans behind Mark to reveal buttons to be mints and the levers to be gumdrops taped to twigs Mark: No I won't, remember what you said- Klasky: That my magic keeps you and anyone you care about from dying within a 8 meter radius, yeah yeah. Mark: Okay then, so no risk. Klasky: No risk?! The hex says no dying, it doesn't prevent ELECTRICALLY INDUCED SEIZURES! Mark: *Pulls lever* Too late. Time Traveling now, BYE! *Klasky conjures a metal bar and touchs the coil with it to redirect the electricity, causing all of his hair to stand up Mark: *Opens eyes* IT WORKED. I'm in the past! *sniffs* *Turns and sees Klasky* Oh, nevermind. Klasky: Why don't you just- *Trembles with electricity* Wish for a time machine? *Trembles again* Mark: *Snaps* I got it! Why don't I just wish for a time machine! *Nudges Klasky* Great idea, huh? Thought about it all by myself. Klasky: *Surrounds self in purple sparkling smoke and returns to normal.* Ugh, and I thought I hated water. Mark: *Claps* Okay, chop chop, make with the purple poofing. Klasky: *Sighs* *Underbreath* I need the Department of Labor. *Chants* ''Timeth Passleck, Purse. *A purse poofs up Mark: What the heck, is that a purse? Klasky: Just open it. *Mark opens it and large phone booth sized glass room comes from inside, surrounds Mark and Klasky, and turns invisible Mark: Ha ha, coooool. So, what do I do. Klasky: I dunno, I'm only the wizard, you work it, genius. Mark: *Press button that reads'' "Speak Destination"'' * Uhh, this location, 1976. Machine: Location registry code: Antmiveville, Northern Eastern United States, Planet Earth; Approximately 1976 years in the Year of Our Lord, relatively 25 solar revolutions ago. Cosmic signature locked. Keep all extremities inside the machine at all times. Please refrain from peeing pants. Mark: Peeing pants, why would we- *Machine starts and Mark and Klasky scream as they are vilently sucked into a wormhole* *Machine ends up floating in weird dimension surrounded in vortex and strange, evil faces Mark and Klasky: AHHHHHH! *Machine enters one vortex and implodes* *The Machine lands in a plot of land on top of a purse Machine: ''Thank you for using the Magical Services Incorporated Time Machine. Have a nice day! '' *Mark and Klasky stumble out of the machine* Mark: Ugh, I think I get the pants warning now. *Purple smoke poofs around Mark's pants, seemingly swapping them for parachute pants* Klasky: Well, we're here. *Red-Haired Girl walks past Mark: Well, Hellooooo there. *Raises eyebrow* Girl: Hi. *Keeps walking* Mark: I wonder who that girl was. Klasky: *Eyes glow purple as he stares at piece of hair he plucked off* Uhh, that was, err, your mother. Mark: *Eyes widen* Ugh, excuse me. *Runs to purse and vomits in it. Returns to find Klasky staring at him, withholding laughter.* You already knew that, didn't you? Klasky: *Eager to change subject* Hey, look, it's your father! *Points to a kid walking a cat, dog, weasel, bearded dragon and a bowl of fish on wheels, across the street* Mark: Yo, Dad! *quickly covers mouth* *Underbreath* Whoops. Mominick: Huh? *Looks at Mark* Mah name's Mom, not Dad, daddy-o! *Walks across the street* Klasky: *Whispers* Be mindful of what you do, you could alter reality. Mark: *Whispers back* Pssh, our very breaths is altering the timeline. Besides, everyone knows paradoxes are impossible, time travel is a myth! I'll be fine! *Klasky facepaws and shakes his head as Mark walks towards him. Mominick: *Ties animals to telephone pole* Yellow, there! What's ya name, strange kid I've never seen? Mark: I'm Mark- *Klasky nudges him* err, I mean, Mark-lo McKallen....the Third. Mominick: Groovy, I'm Mominick Abraham Miller...the First. Mah folks are gonna be expectin' mah pets, so I'll see ya later. *Walks pets back across the street* Mark: Uh... what did he just say? Klasky: *Shrugs* Beats me, I was born four years ago. *Beat* Well, technically, I was born four years ago in the PRESENT. But this is technically the PRESENT, just not our present, but the present in the past. So that means I was born four years ago in the future's present, but technically that means I was born 21 years from now, which makes me negative 21 years old, but then our future's present's past's future...*Carries on indistinctly as Mominick returns* Mominick: So, you wanna go to the arcade? I just got my allowance of 40 quarters. Mark: Sure, Dad. Mominick: Huh? Mark: Oh, I uh mean Mom. Mominick: Oh, okay. *A minute montage of Mominick and Mark playng arcade games, eating ice cream, and egging a house* *A younger Mayor who errily resembles Mark steps out as the music ends* 1976 Mayor: *Laughs* Ha ha, oh, silly kids. *egg hits face* *Mark and Mom return as the sun begins to set. Klasky is still talking in the background* Mom: Oh, this was fun, well, I'll be- *Stops and stares at a younger Dadeline* *Hearts surrround head* *Sighs* Mark: *Stares disgusted and then a lightbulb pops above his head* Ahh! *Grabs lightbulb and throws it away* Mark: Hey, uh, Mom. How 'bout you ask out Dadeline over there? Mominick: Huh, oh her? She'd never go out with me. Plus, she never dates anyone who asks her fir- Mark: *Yells* JUST DO IT! Mom: Okay, okay! *Underbreath* Sheesh I hope my son's not like that... *Walks away and talks to Dadeline in background* Klasky: But if the past's past's past's future's future's future's future's is our present, then is the past's past is the future's pa- *Mark slaps him* Ugh, thanks. Mark: Wow, 70's dad is cool! And guess what? I told him to ask out Mom. So the predestination paradox will result in the timeline being completely unchanged! *Mominick is punched in the background and collapses to the ground. Mark fades and then returns to normal* Mark: That can't be good. break or ad or whatever. *Returns to Machine arriving in dead field with a red, dystopian sky Klasky: What did I tell you Mark! Mark: WHAT EVEN HAPPENED!? Klasky: *Starts talking as mini animated sequence plays* Well, your mom must have rejected your dad because he asked her out first, so they never became friends and never married, instead your mom falls in love with Mive O'Hallen. Since Mive didn't want the Mayor to be mayor, he and Dadeline never convinced to run for mayor, so he never became mayor. Without the Mayor being the mayor, the city was brought into chaos. Eventually, after getting a degree in dictatorship, the city called onto him to become mayor. He did such a good job that his leadership went over the county, the state, the entire Eastern and Western States, North America, and then, the world. With his dictatorship and Dadeline's fury, no one every opposed them. Mark: Uh, and you're basing this lengthy exposition on..? Klasky: That sign. *Points to billboard that reads "History of our Great Country!" * Mark: Oh. *2 men in uniform run up Man in Uniform 1: Hey, wait a minute! *Detailed Camera Shots of thing he lists* A time machine? A talking white cat?! A STUPID HAIR CUT?!? You're violating Rules 60, 65, and 27! *Man 2 picks up the time machine as Man 1 picks up Klasky* Mark: *Man 1 takes out electric clippers and shaves Mark bald* Daah! *Klasky phases through the man's arms as he fades, and turns into a normal cat.* Man 1: Eh, good for me, eh? *Walks away* *Klasky walks up to Mark and they both fade, Klasky returning to normal and Mark's hair returning.* Klasky: *The two men enter a large castle like building as a large unit of guards the area* Don't worry, I'll just teleport us in. *Purple sparkling dust surrounds both of them but dissipates* Mark: Uh, does it do that often? Klasky: *Sarcastically* Yes. *Mark makes confused expression* No, Mark, it doesn't. *Mark returns to dumb smile* Klasky: The supply of magic in the world must have been depleted, I don't have a big enough source to teleport that distance. Mark: Now what? Klasky: *Snaps and they end up on nearby roof* That's the farthest I can go. *They looks down at the troops* Captain: LEFT! LEFT! LEFT RIGHT LEFT! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT RI- Klasky: *Indistinct chant as he points* Captain: TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT! *Mark and Klasky slide down from the roof and sneak through the dancing army* Captain: TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT. TO THE RIGHT, TO THE RIGHT. NOW KICK! NOW KICK1 NOW KICK! NOW KICK! NOW WALK IT BY YOURSELF. *Mark and Klasky enter building* *Mark and Klasky see Mive holding the machine Mive: Well, well, well, look who we have here. Mark: Give us the time machine, Mive! Mive: 'Kay. *Tosses them the purse* I don't need it anyway. Mark: Wait, seriously? Mive: Seriously. Klasky: So, we can just leave? Mive: Huh? Oh, heavens no, KILL THEM! Both: AHHHHHHHHH! *They run away, Mark accidentally leaving his shoe, open the purse, press random buttons and disappear.* *Mark and Klasky reappear in a Roman Colosseum, a Salem Witch Drowning Test, behind John Wilkes Booth before he kills Lincoln and then into the realm of time as the screen fades white. Klasky: Wow, good thing we solved that time paradox off-screen and saved time for the next episode. Mark: Yeah, and everything is back to- *Looks to see the house covered in red swastika banners as generic brass Nazi music plays* Klasky: Unwish everything but keep our memory? Mark: Unwish everything but keep our memory. *Purple dust surrounds screen as it turns black Category:Episode Transcripts